Black Swan

These days I felt sudden panic, depressed and stressed. I had some negative feelings which indirect changed my thinking.
I suddenly felt that I want to sit or talked to the cleverest one in my class.
I treated them who are lower level than me very rude and impatient.
When they asked me question about homework or study, I felt very ignoring.
I don’t want to answer any of their questions but still they are my friends so I stand off my impatient and answered their question.
When I was doing homework, I hate people asked my question.
It made me felt very ignoring and the end I answered them with my loud voice and can be seem their sudden shocked and uncomfortable.
I also LOVE to show how clever am I…
Why I will change until like this? Why?
This feeling doesn’t become worst until now
It started become worse and worse when I’m in form 6
I SO want to study in the BEST UNIVERSITY in Malaysia
I want it SO BAD until I treated my friends badly.
Why it will happen?
Just because I want improve my study or love to outshine others?

Is that’s so?